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Emma McQueen

Passion and Purpose

Work-life balance matters most. FALSE. Love IN work matters most.

| Passion and Purpose

Guest Post by Melitta Hardenberg

It’s no surprises work-life balance is the number one perk that people look for when considering their next career move. When work and life become so intertwined and increasingly busy, we no longer can separate the two. With such a focus on work-life balance, we may have taken our eyes off the right goal. Love IN work matters more than flexibility.

Marcus Buckingham recently published a new book Nine Lies about Work (my new obsession) where he explores nine tightly held beliefs about the world of work, beliefs like; where we work matters, people need feedback, we can reliably rate other people, and my favourite, work-life balance matters most. He presents a compelling case in each chapter of how the lie seems logical but how in fact the truth is far more accurate. In the case of love IN work, it could not be truer.

Doing what you love and loving what you do is the number one reason people start looking beyond what they are doing

Think of it this way, if your work was represented as a blanket with different threads representing the different work you do, and you had a red thread that represented the work that fills you, re-energises you, gives life to you. If that red thread is less than 20% of that blanket, it’s pretty likely you will be experiencing burn out, higher rates of feeling unwell and higher rates of mental health incidence. Above 20% and it’s likely there are just not enough hours in the day to do the things you’re passionate about. You might find yourself putting in discretionary effort, thinking about work on the weekends, and Monday’s suddenly become something to look forward to.

How do you find your red thread?

One of the fastest ways to find your red threads is to explore what gives you life, what are the activities that breathe life into you, recharge you, and make time standstill. Your strengths. Your natural ways of thinking, feeling, reacting and behaving is what we are talking about here. Think of it this way, mentally stand up if you agree with any of the following statements:

  • You can’t help but remind the elevator that you’re still there?
  • You write to-do lists, even on weekends?
  • Your wardrobe is colour (or other) coordinated?
  • Your inbox is filed immaculately?
  • You have a bookshelf filled with mostly professional development books? And, keep standing if those books are filled with highlights, post its, or dog eared?
  • A red light is just an opportunity to beat the car next to you?

These are all how you naturally think, feel, react and behave

When you can align the work you do with how you work best, you start to feel fulfilled. There are many tools to help you do this. My recommendation is the Gallup CliftonStrengthsFinder. It can provide a language for you to start to intentionally apply in the workplace.

When you know and understand your strengths you can thrive

For example, as someone who has a strength of ‘input’ which helps me to understand, I enjoy the process of consuming, collecting, and categorising information. I take great enjoyment in becoming a deep expert. I have learnt to apply that in my professional career in becoming a deep expert in finding work you love and creating environments you can thrive in. Where that strength was challenged was when I was consulting. I had a very short lead time to turn around a client request into a high-quality solution. It meant I’d be up to 3 am cramming as much information as I could as I was truly compelled (my natural way of thinking, feeling, reacting and behaving) to provide insight, not just rote learn and recite.

Play to your strengths but also know you need to be adaptable

I remember reading this story about air force engineers just after WWII (I’m no history buff so I may butcher the facts in this story). Just after WWII air force engineers were creating high powered jet aircraft, to which the pilots would proceed to crash them at an alarming rate. When the engineers were trying to work out why this was the case, they thought it was the cockpit ergonomics. They thought if they changed the layout of the cockpit to ensure the pilots could reach all the different controls with greater ease under pressure, it would solve the issue. So, they took ten different measurements of over 4000 pilots, averaged out the measures and got to work redesigning the cockpit. Until one engineer asked how many pilots had the same measures as the average that they were now using, as it turns out not one pilot fit the ‘average’ measure. So, what does one do with all this diversity? You do what the engineers did, and you build an adjustable seat.

My challenge to you is, how can you adjust your seat to weave through just a bit more red in the thread of your work?

Melitta Hardenberg is a Melbourne based Leadership Development expert who specialises in shaping organisational cultures to become strengths-based. She is the Head of Learning & Development at SEEK, works with a range of companies to help build and shape cultures to help people lead more fulling and productive working lives at work, and is a self-confessed learning nerd.

Are you worth it?

| Challenges for Women, Emma being Emma, Passion and Purpose

I don’t think I have been called arrogant, well not out loud at least! One thing is for sure- I know my worth. When I first stepped foot into my business full time, I knew I was not the cheapest. I knew that I might be seen as expensive. And I knew that the right people would find me, or I would find them. 

A potential client named Anne called me. She had been highly recommended to have a conversation with me about some career coaching. We talked about what an engagement would look like, what she wanted out of it, and what we thought we could do together. I didn’t dilly dally on price. I just put it out there, and if she thought it was valuable and that I could help, we would do business. If she didn’t, we wouldn’t, no hard feelings.

I had been talking to Anne about the type of women I had helped get paid what they were worth, doing jobs they loved. She was very excited. Towards the end of our conversation, she asked me if I would discount my price because she felt I was too expensive. Boy – this was a challenging and ironic conversation to be having. I had a choice to make- to play above the line or below the line.  

Not one to shrink from a challenge and an opportunity to use my courage in a subject I am very passionate about, it will be no surprise to you that I chose above the line. I told her that it didn’t feel right for me to be discounting my price based on her perception, and that I talk about getting paid your worth and she had asked me to discount that. The irony was a little lost on Anne. You see, if you don’t value yourself, no one else will. 

Time and again I see women accepting positions, career changes, and salary that I know are lower than what they are worth. According to the Australian Bureau of Statistics, even though the percentage of women in leadership roles has increased, pay equity still requires work with the gender pay gap sitting at around 15%.

The thing is that we, as women, ARE DOING IT TO OURSELVES. Not all the time, not in every situation, but when we talk about “women supporting women”, I don’t think we mean “my friend has a new business, so I will ask her for a discount”. Rather, it means “my friend has a new business, so I will pay full price, AND I will tell everyone I know about her new business, AND I will do whatever I can to support her”. Am I right?

So, how does one start to make an impact? Here’s what I do:

  1. I choose to play above the line.
  • I choose to see it as my issue.
  • I give some alternatives.

I choose to play above the line because I refuse to play any other way. I was clear with Anne about what she was asking for and told her how I felt about the ask that she was making.

I choose to see it as my issue. I had not demonstrated enough value to make it worthwhile for Anne, and in no way did I excuse myself from the conversation.

I gave her some alternatives in the form of some online courses, reading and some other coaches to contact.

My point is, if you do not value yourself, no one else will. Why should they? Why should someone else value you if you do not value yourself? And if you do not value yourself – why not? What can you do to help lift your self-esteem, to push away those loud voices in your head telling you that you are not worth it? 

Here is where the rubber hits the road (I don’t even know why that expression has been coined that way really), but there is only one person who can fix this, yes, it is you. it’s getting some help to come up with some strategies to park that voice. I work with many women who struggle with this as well. If you would like some help with this, reach out, I would love to have a chat. 

Are you investing in yourself? If not, why?

| Action Station, Challenges for Women, Passion and Purpose

When we work in organisations, there are usually some ways to invest in your professional development. As you gain experience, tenure or seniority, this may shift from technical skills like writing or management 101 to executive presence or personal brand. I work with women who are looking for more results, for themselves, for their department, team, organisation or business. One of the things that I have found is that if they want a specific skill, they have to put a business case together, pay for it themselves and then “prove” to their boss that there has been an impact. I congratulate these women for realising that there is a gap and working hard to close the gap, but it also astounds me as to how many organisations don’t back their people when it comes to leadership development. Developing your people should be at the top of your list as a boss.

Imagine if you decided that you weren’t going to invest in yourself over the coming year? Don’t get me wrong; sometimes there are seasons in life where taking on something additional will not work. I had one of my clients call me who had been given a fantastic development opportunity, and she was about a week away from having her first bub. She was keen to do it and take it on, and she did, and she found it very tough with a new-born, but that choice isn’t always for everyone. If you leave your learning in other people’s hands, it will go nowhere; you need to be proactive about getting out there and finding the right opportunities for yourself to learn and grow.

Here is the process that I go through with my clients and for myself. Feel free to use it for yourself if it resonates:

  1. In June, start thinking about where you want to be a year from now
  2. Use the start of the financial year to plan
  3. Map them out in priority order
  4. Research
  5. Speak to the boss
  6. Book it in asap

In June, start thinking about where you want to be a year from now, what you want to be doing for a role, in life, in business, what you want to learn.

At the beginning of a financial year, sit down and look at all the things that you would like to learn over the coming year. I pick the fiscal year (not a calendar year) because I want to know what type of year I have had, cash flow wise, and most budgeting cycles start 1st July, so if there wasn’t money in last year’s budget, there might be in this year’s budget.

Map out in priority order which ones are the most important to your business, your growth, your team/department or company and which ones can wait. I personally always have two or three I would like to do, and each year, as you go through this exercise, you will see what you did last year and what you can do the following year.

Do your research- ask around, ask for referrals from people who have done similar training, courses or learning and had an experience who are willing to share their experience with you. 

Speak to the boss (that could be you if you are running your own business), is there money to invest in your growth? What do you need to do to get the opportunity? Some companies want a business case; others will be happy to allocate a certain amount of money to your learning. 

Book it in asap, so it is committed in the diary, and then you can plan the next year around it.

So, next time you think “yes, I should invest in myself”, please do it. Ask around, find out what exciting development opportunities there are and back yourself to go and get that budget from wherever you need to get it from and prove that you can do it.

Be enthusiastic, optimistic and energetic every day.

Em x

Learning on the fly

| Action Station, Passion and Purpose

I was on a flight recently from Melbourne to Sydney, part of the trip was getting to meet James Clear, author of Atomic Habits. I was rereading his fascinating book on how tiny changes implemented regularly and consistently can have massive impact over the long term. I was really enjoying it and was highlighting my way through it. One of the flight attendants stopped in the aisle and asked me about the book, asking me in such a curious way that I knew he was genuinely interested. I gave him a short run down of the book. He pulled out a notebook and pen and jotted down the name and author and said, that’s definitely one for my reading list.

He came back after a few minutes to discuss it further and he told me why he had such an interest in it and how he thought what we had spoken about could be put into practical use.

It got me thinking. We all learn in different ways and at a different pace. I personally have to really buckle down to read or study something, but here was this flight attendant gaining knowledge while serving his customers and genuinely engaging in our conversation. Not only that, he was well prepared to write it down with a pen and paper in his pocket. It seemed to me that he had already read the book.

In his book, James talks about knowledge compounding. That “learning one new idea won’t make you a genius, but commitment to lifelong learning can be transformative”, proven by my new friend.

I learnt something that day- learn all you can, be curious, be genuinely interested in people and have a pen and paper at the ready.

Imagine if that interaction had not taken place. If the flight attendant had been so focused on his work (rightly so) that it didn’t even occur to him to ask the question. He would not have a great new book to read, would not have engaged in some meaningful conversation, would not have learnt anything that day, and certainly would not have taught me anything. The power of connection and conversation never ceases to amaze me. Learning keeps the brain young. My grandfather passed away at the ripe old age of 103, but up until his death, he was still learning, reading the newspaper, looking at share prices, and watching the news. He didn’t stop learning and I expect that his brain was nimble for so long because of the learning that he was doing.

But what do you do if you don’t love to learn?

I would suggest that you cultivate it. That you create a habit from discipline, that you find what you do love about learning or knowing and you grab onto that.

Here are three things you can do if you need to create a habit of learning

  • Decide how you learn
  • Commit to doing the learning
  • Practice does not make perfect

Let me unpack what I mean:

  • Decide how you learn – Are you visual? Are you creative? Do you learn better when you hear it? Do you like the theory? What is your preferred way to learn? In the first instance, lean into that, so that you can get into the swing of learning. Once you feel a little more comfortable, branch out and try other ways, you might like them!
  • Commit to doing the learning, a little each day, a paragraph a day to start with if you are reading a book, a chapter if you are further along, a short podcast in the car. I find jotting notes down or highlighting what I am reading is really helpful if I want to go back to it or use it as a reference point.
  • Practice does not make perfect, but it does help imbed the learning. Have you ever not understood something and then someone else has asked you to help them and you have shown them how to do it and all of a sudden, you have had a penny dropping moment yourself? Isn’t it good when you finally get it yourself?

As Henry Ford so rightly stated “Anyone who stops learning is old, whether at twenty or eighty”, if you are not learning, you are simply not growing. My new mate on the plane, he is learning and growing all the time, using the time in his day, as he goes about his job to learn about people, about books and be curious. Are you taking time or building it into your day to be curious?

Don’t feel like you have the time? You are not alone. I work with a range of people to find the time to do the learning and find the time to do the things that are not only urgent, but important. Reach out if you would like to work with me one on one.

Be enthusiastic, optimistic and energetic every day.

Em x

Is work/life balance a load of BS?

| Challenges for Women, Mindset Tips, Passion and Purpose

Jen had been in her own business for just over two years. She was enjoying it, she was getting excellent results, she had been nominated for some awards, and was trailblazing in her space. When I asked her why she thought she needed my help, she told me that she didn’t think the results were enough, that the work she put in far outweighed the results she was experiencing.

Typically, people come to me and they think that they are dealing with one issue, but scratch the surface a bit and the real need pops out. In Jen’s case, it was a serious issue of zero balance. Her hubby and kids felt like they only got the “end of the day bits” of her. She was so engaged in the work that she had allowed her relationships to falter. She did not catch up with her friends any longer, stating she was bored if she wasn’t talking about business, and she knew that she was boring, BECAUSE she only wanted to talk about work.

Our sessions had nothing to do with results.

What it came down to is that the work itself was so satisfying to Jen that she had wrapped her self-worth around it. So when she wasn’t working, she felt guilty, she felt like she was losing time, she felt like she should be doing more. Her brain wasn’t letting her rest for a second.

She was kicking goals in her business, but being so driven and wanting to achieve massive results had meant having no life outside of work. She was not sleeping well, she was not eating well, and she was working wayyy too many hours Her family were very unhappy. She knew that something needed to change, she just didn’t want it to be at the expense of success (or how she saw success).

It’s ironic when I get to serve these types of clients, do you know why? Because this was me when I first started my business, so passionate about it, so much to do and yet so unsatisfying because when there is no balance in your life, it all can turn to crap so easily. I was well placed to help our friend Jen out!

Jen worked really hard to uncover a practical plan that would work for her. I have to say, Jen (and she would be fine with me saying so) was very unhappy with the plan but understood the common sense behind it, knew that something drastic had to change, and I was able to demonstrate to her what the benefits would be if we changed her lifestyle around. What this turnaround took though, especially at the start, was Jen’s blind faith in me.

First up, Jen analyzed a life in the week of her business and was able to identify how many hours she was working, what she was spending her time on, and how her energy felt throughout the day. To Jen’s surprise, she was constantly putting in a 16 hour day. That’s 16 hours out of 24 hours, every day, Monday to Sunday! Wowsers!

I have seen some clients who pull these hours, normally they are for a project and a limited amount of time, and after that time, they get their life back. To constantly be “on” with no finish line in sight is unsustainable. Jen didn’t realize that she was doing more damage to herself by working these hours.

We put some simple steps into place to help Jen.

  1. We agreed to the outcomes and how we would measure them
  2. We made a 30, 60, 90 day plan
  3. Jen spoke to the key people in her life

The outcome that we wanted at the end of the 90 days was Jen working 6 – 8 hours a day; giving her family the good bits of her and not the left over pieces; finding time for friends; and for success to continue (we had to work on our mindset about what success looked like for Jen). Our measure was around her family’s happiness, her having more of a balance, and the plan being practically implemented.

We made a plan. We broke the plan down into 30-day pieces to make the transition a little easier and to ensure Jen could commit to each item.

The First 30 days:

  • Jen spoke to her family about what her plan was, acknowledging that things needed to change and that she was very keen on making it work but that she would need help to stick to the plan. She shared her 90 day plan with them.
  • They committed to helping her and she committed to not beating herself up if she slipped up for a day.
  • We agreed to stop working 16 hours a day and start working toward 8 (ouch I know!), rather than go cold turkey on this, she left her office at 5 everyday, closed the door, announced to her family that she was “home” and she was not allowed to head back into the office.
  • Jen blocked her calendar with the important things and began to stick with the appointments she created for herself.
  • We outsourced. We found her a virtual assistant to manage her calendar, a bookkeeper to manage the invoicing and a cleaner to manage her house.
  • Jen went to the Doctor and had some tests run to ensure that all the stress on her body hadn’t done any permanent damage.

The results:

  1. Jen had withdrawals from working so much. On the one hand she knew that it was going to be beneficial to everyone around her, but on the flip side, she felt “lazy” for not working the kind of hours that she had.
  2. She slept better. Not immediately, but after about week two she told me that because she was switching off so early (read: a bit bored), she had well and truly wound down by bed time.
  3. She was now present with her family. They had taken to playing card games after dinner and this family time made everything else seem like it was easier.

The second 30 days

  • Jen did another analysis of her diary now to see what progress she was making. By outsourcing the calendar and invoicing, she had gained back approximately 10 – 12 hours a week.
  • We continued with the same things from the first 30 days
  • Jen looked for more things to outsource, she found that once her calendar was sorted out (some tidying needed to happen first), the virtual assistant could also take on certain kinds of email, so she outsourced that.
  • She began to put time in her calendar to catch up with friends, we slotted in a two-hour window, once a week where she could catch up with a friend.

The results:

  1. Jen was pretty focused prior to our working together, but she learnt that taking breaks made her think more clearly and she used her time very well in smaller spurts.  
  2. She found herself using some of the hours managing the virtual assistant, but also spending time getting her systems in place to make that easier for both of them.
  3. She was happy her relationships with her friends were feeling prioritized.

The final 30 days

  • Jen embedded all of the things from the first 60 days. We spoke about what was working and kept it, what wasn’t working and got rid of it.
  • She used pockets of time better (instead of listening to the radio, she would call a client or listen to a podcast).
  • She asked her family for feedback on how they thought it was working and if they had any suggestions for her.

The results:

  1. Changing habits after a number of years is not the easiest thing to do, but the benefit to change certainly outweighed the pain for Jen. She was very disciplined once she was clear on how to make this work for her.
  2. Her family have seen a massive change in her, she knows that she is more present with them now and has seen the relationships shift in 3 short months.
  3. She is now carving time out of her diary to manage her energy, she changes this up with running, meditation and walking. She puts it in the diary and keeps the appointment with herself.

The verdict:

Having zero balance is not fun. We all know it, we just need a plan to make some lifestyle choices and ensure that we don’t fall back into old habits. Once Jen was clear on what she needed, what she would not negotiate on and what she needed to change, the change itself wasn’t tough.

Loneliness in Business

| All Posts, Passion and Purpose

The first year in my business full time, I was working really hard and kicking lots of goals, but I found that it was lonely. I mean really lonely, in ways I never expected. When you are in an organisation, you have the safety of processes and policies but when you step out into your own thing, it’s just you, and you are reliant on yourself and only you to make decisions. I find that invigorating because I can change directions as easily and quickly as I like, but not having someone to bounce ideas off can be tough. You gotta go and look for that support system.

What if you don’t find like-minded people to bounce ideas around with? I am not sure about you, but when I wasn’t connected with like-minded people, I felt like my ideas weren’t tested in a way that would help refine them. You know that old saying “two heads are better than one?” Well I reckon about five heads are better than one! 

Here are three simple steps I used to overcome the loneliness:

1. I found like-minded people
I looked really hard to find “my kind of people”. This took a lot more time than I had anticipated and I found them in the most unexpected of places. My list of characteristics I was looking for was not huge but there was a list. I was looking for people who were kind, honest, saw that community over competition was the best, were driven to achieve, and were open to a relationship with me.

There are various avenues you can find your people- local council small business networks; co-working spaces; online communities or forums such as Facebook groups that are especially great and can be very niche to specific industries or locations.

2. I sought advice from people ahead of me
I found people who were a couple of years ahead of me in their business. This was really important to make sure that they had already been through it and could guide me if I needed it. I have a few business mentors now and each are able to offer advice on a variety of areas of my business needs.

3. I asked for help
Asking for help was difficult for me. I am a self-sufficient human being, so I really struggled with this but you know what? I just needed to get over myself and put it out there when I needed the help.

Connection is so important when we work on our own. Connection is the antidote to loneliness.

This is a great article to help you think about some more ideas to cure loneliness:  Feeling Lonely? 5 Ways to Sure the Entrepreneurship Blues

Oh, and I also created a program that helps other business owners and women in management roles connect with each other, get inspired, help each other and learn from and with one another. Thriving Women was created to fill the gap of connection.